Yes, I do realize it is Friday- nearly Saturday.  But I had decided that I would post this topic this week for Truthful Thursday and Thursday came and went with no child in my home taking a nap.  Hense my tardiness.  But I wanted to share anyway.

I’ve been struggling with fear.  Any and all types.  Worried that my kids will get hit by a car when crossing the street, anxious that something will be wrong with Rocky when he arrives, wondering if my husband and I will be alive and kicking for our “when we get old together” dreams.  I really have no idea where this is coming from and I feel like it sort of snuck up and bit me in the rear end.

If you remember my post from earlier this summer , this topic is not entirely new to me but it also has never been quite this consuming either.  What I find is ironic – is a month or two ago a woman in our house church shared that she was struggling with some irrational fears and she wasn’t sure how to deal with them.  I was sitting in my chair across the deck thinking, “You should find some verses” which is probably true.  But how naive of me to think that I understood what she was going through.  Until now. Now I get it.

You see, I just keep replaying horrible scenes in my head.  I have mentioned before that we now live on a very busy street.  We have trained and told our kids that they are not to go past a certain crack in the driveway unless mom and dad tell them to.  They know to look both ways before crossing the street and to stop if they see a car.  But several years ago friends of ours lost their son to an accident with him crossing the street.  Somehow, somewhere this memory is consuming me every time we go outside to the point at which I really don’t want to take the kids out.  I would rather keep them at home where I can keep them “safe”.  Or did you see the movie “My Sister’s Keeper” – where the little girl didn’t wake up in time and her mom went to wake her up, found her with a fever/rash and then she was diagnosed with cancer?  My son slept in this week for the 2nd time in his life and for those 47 minutes, I had to stop myself from going in his room to see if he had a fever or a rash… seriously.  It was a movie.  But it seemed very real to me.  *Sigh*

I wish I could say that things are getting better or that I am not allowing my mind to run away with me anymore.  But it is not quite that way.  I did, however, realize that I need some truth to be battling with these thoughts and ideas.  My “just think about something else” ways are not working and frankly I feel quite foolish to think that up to this point I could just handle it.  Clearly that is not the case.  Clearly God is working in my life to reveal some things to me- am I going to listen?

I hope so.

I looked up a few verses this week for me to be thinking about.  Nothing huge or “wow- I’ve never heard of these!” verses- but they are truth and I trust God will use them in my life.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”-Psalm 27:1

“Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strenthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”- Isaiah 41:10

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” – Matthew 6:33&34

So my friends, that is where I am currently.  Attempting to walk with God each day trusting in his goodness, timing and sovereignty.

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