Yes, it is 5 am and I am writing a blog post.  It was a rough night.  After the shock wore off (a good 4-5 hrs until my hands stopped shaking and I felt “normal”), I hit the wall last night around 7 pm absolutely exhausted.  I knew adrenaline had been racing through my body all afternoon, I just forgot what it felt like to come off that high.  I thought for sure I was going to sleep like a rock all night long.  But as soon as Jason and I kissed goodnight, my brain suddenly took off.  I was haunted by the vision of that little guy on his stomach in the water and the sound of only hearing water splashing by his hands and feet.  And still now…. that is what I remember from yesterday.  Like I said, it was like I was in a bad movie.  I just didn’t expect that movie to move with me.

About an hr after I wrote my blog post yesterday, I got an email from a reporter asking if I could tell him the story.  I was amazed.  Honestly I didn’t think much about what I did.  A few people said “You are a hero!”  That felt weird.  Honestly it did.  Still does.  I can say from the bottom of my heart it was not I who did anything, but God who allowed me to see that little guy.  He was the one who said “run”.  I was just listening.  I did end up talking to the reporter and then another.  They both asked how it changed my life or what I felt after what happened.  Without going into many details I explained like I did on my blog that for me, this was way bigger than the actual event itself.  It was God speaking to me.  Reminding me that I can not see the entire picture of my life and that his ways are bigger and higher than mine.  My circumstances do not change the fact that God is good.  All the time.  In my phone interviews with both of them, I wondered how that would be portrayed.  In all my experiences with being in the paper, most of the “God” part usually gets a little mixed up.  Or left out. And I also realized that anyone reading the story without knowing my heart… well, it might be hard to digest.  Like where is God in MY pain? In MY hurts?  I knew I was opening a can of worms, but I also knew I couldn’t just chalk this up to “all in a day’s work” either.

Here is the story from the press citizen.  I read the comments.  It makes my stomach churn.  Not that my credibility has been shattered (although going from “you are a hero!” to “has someone checked her mental health?” or “maybe a little too much to drink the night before” or “real heroes don’t seek the spotlight”  was a little tough to swallow) but mostly because my goal in mentioning God to the reporter (who both called me by the way from a tweet that they saw from my blog) to bring Him glory through this entire event and through my life seems like it backfired.  Just with the title alone, when I read the story I wondered how people would perceive it.

Press Citizen

And here is the article from the Gazette.  This one didn’t seem to antagonize people as much as the other.

Gazette

I have no idea where things will go from here.  I’m guessing fizzling out to next to nothing.  I am ok with that.  God spoke to my heart yesterday,  a little boy did not die and I am more convinced than ever of God’s timing being perfect and his desire to bring himself glory through my life.  I heard a definition of Joy this past weekend and it has stuck with me.  I’ll leave you with this:

——–JOY——-
The experience of well being that springs from the deep down confidence that God is in perfect control of everything for my good and his glory. -John McArthur

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